Recently Kim Head, Director of Women Can Run Russellville asked me to speak about Balancing Schedules and Responsibilities, of which we all have. Women Can Run Russellville is a free 10 week walk/run clinic for ladies that ends with a state-wide 5K graduation with over 1500 participants.
Here is a little background on me. For almost 39 years I have been married to a great guy. I am mom to two adult children, two grandchildren, daughter of an independent mother and mentor to several couples for the past 20 years. My serial entrepreneur husband, and I own two businesses, one of which I am a salesman and the other I plan, sell and execute trips for Upward Bound programs. When my children left home, life should have become calm and manageable, but no. My husband and I decided to finish our undergrad degrees and then topped it off with completing our Masters at UCA while working 40 plus hours a week. Did I mention during that time I also started running for my health? So I understand crazy, hectic and sometimes unmanageable schedules and responsibilities.
I believe in America that we are addicted to activity. What I mean is that if our time is not 100% filled, by all means, we should do something. If nothing else can be found, pull out the technology, check emails, FaceBook, LinkedIn, Tweeter or Instagram’s, but do something! With this addiction to activities can come issues, like always being tired, overwhelmed, stressed-out, burnt-out or even sickness.
How many of you get to do laundry after a long day of work, dinner and then the children are put to bed? Late one night many years ago I was taking care of said responsibility. I sorted the clothes, no biggie, I would just pop them in the washer that night and then throw them in the dryer the next morning for them to go round and round while I went off to work. That evening as I lifted the lid to add detergent, low and behold there floating on the top of the water was a little lizard -SURPRISE! – in my rush to sort laundry I had not checked pockets. At that time I realized my life was out of balance.
We all have responsibilities:
- Our families
- Our homes
- Our jobs
- Our churches or other organizations
- Our friends
But when do we get to the responsibility of ourselves?
As ladies our nature is to put ourselves at the bottom of the list, when in fact, managing our health and well-being should be at the top of the list. One day my older brother made the statement “when I realized I am the one responsible for taking care of my families needs, I realized the importance of taking care of myself.”
I hope you do regular yearly exams like a mammogram and tests such as blood and pap smears. But what about everyday life? Scheduling to have quite time or go for a walk or run without feeling guilty. How dare we! We may take vacations, but by the time we plan, pack, play, then return home to unpack, wash and put-away, usually we are pooped!
When balancing schedules and responsibilities two different groups emerge: proactive or reactive.
Being proactive is controlling a situation by making things happen or by preparing for possible future problems. Like when on an airplane the announcement during the preflight procedures, that in the event of an emergency for the health and welfare of their children, parents are to secure their own mask first and then the masks of their children. What is up with that, these children need to be taken care of first or do they?
The schedules of the proactive group take into consideration before hand the activities and responsibilities necessary for the day, week, month or even year. This group usually work off a family calendar on their refrigerator or calendar app on their device of choice. They are the ladies when asked to help with a project, rarely commit on the spot, but will take into consideration how this time commitment will affect their responsibilities and schedules. I applaud several of our ladies in this clinic that have Wednesday night church or classes that they teach. Before the clinic started, they consulted with Kim and/or their coaches that they could only attend on Saturday’s. But these ladies have scheduled another homework day in order to be ready for the Graduation 5K.
Being reactive is acting in response to a situation rather than creating or controlling the situation.
The schedules of the reactive group feels like there is never enough time for what they have or want to do. In the book Thrive by Arianna Huffington, she states that there is now a term for this relationship with time called “time famine.” That when we look at our watch it seems to be later than we think. Dr. Seuss wrote “How did it get so late so soon? It’s night before it’s afternoon. December is here before it’s June. My goodness how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon?”
The reactive group are constantly on overload having to do this, do that, go here, go there, torn betwixt and between. Can I get an Amen! And then remembering what else we forgot to do! Like hydrating throughout the day or fueling our bodies correctly and not just before we take a walk or run. Or even making the excuse that there is just not enough time to exercise.
If that sounds familiar, please sweet sisters, do not put yourself down. There are days like that in everyone’s life, so recognize them and pick yourself up and determine tomorrow will be a better day.
If you are reactive or just want to tweak your schedules, here are a few tools and some practical steps to assist in taking control.
The tools I find useful are a simple paper calendar and an iPhone calendar application. When yearly planning, I like the paper calendar form, and then for daily convenience, I populate and use my digital iPhone calendar.
First step is to make a cup of your favorite beverage and find a comfortable spot. Then stop and assess all your activities and time commitments for family, home, work and social. Realize that at the end of life, no one has ever said they wished they had worked one more day or made one more dollar. But they usually wish they had time for one more conversation or one more opportunity to be with a loved one.
Recently my mom, who is almost 80 broke the ball off the top of her humerus bone and it was not funny. It is a very painful break and she was heavily medicated and then ended up having surgery. Due to complications to the medicines, she had to have 24/7 care for over a month. My family took turns staying with my mom, and I now have a deep compassion and appreciation for adult children who are their parents caregiver. My normal routine of exercise and running were put on hold for a short time, but soon I realized in order to be and give my best, I needed the adrenaline and endorphins (my drugs of choice) so I scheduled exercise and running back into my days. But hear me out, people are really all that matter in this life.
Second, after assessing the activities and commitments, make a list. Put on the list all the “have to do” things like work, grocery shopping and such, but also put on the list desires you would like to accomplish but never seem to get around to. Does this list look overwhelming?
Third, prioritize the list from most to least importance, then designate whether the activity is daily, weekly, monthly or yearly, like the Women Can Run Clinic.
Fourth, begin with a daily schedule, Monday through Sunday and list each day the activities or commitments that demand attention. Be sure to include household responsibilities like meal prep for your nutritional meals, but also your exercise/walk/running time. Make sure that you are including at least 7 to 9 hours of sleep. A study at Duke University found that poor sleep is associated with higher stress levels and a greater risk of heart disease and diabetes. They also found that these risks are greater in women than in men.
Look at the daily schedule and find time to fit in those desires. In the book The Best Yes Making Wise Decisions in the Midst of Endless Demands, Lysa Terkeurst wrote about her desire to become a writer, yet she never found time to write. So she looked at her schedule and found 3.5 hours in her week that she could write. She scheduled that time to write. Now 17 books later, it appears that she was successful. What is your dream, will you set aside time to accomplish it?
As I wrap up, here is a thought to ponder. Imagine a rushing stream down a mountainside and you take a large rock or boulder and throw it into the water, then another and another. From that moment forward, the stream has to go around your rocks. The rocks in the water represent the events we choose to put on the calendar, birthday’s, anniversaries, races and time set aside for adequate training. As additional obligations present themselves, which they always do, the dates on the calendar, like the rocks in the water, serve as placeholders for what is important. A simple calendar is a powerful tool for eliminating over commitment and providing precious time for the life you truly want.
The “rocks in the water” aha moment for me many years ago was when I was reading Martha Stewarts calendar in her magazine and written on one of the last fall days was “plant tulips.”
Choose the life you deserve, be proactive.
If you would like to participate in a Balancing Schedules and Responsibilities workshop, contact me at sandy.devore@devoregroup.com.
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